Six is a large order -- as you can see it's taken me a long time to get this far, but I'll try. These are a few moments that made my laugh-out-loud list.
Our family has a couple of fashion police people in it. Last May we were all out for an ice cream treat at Dairy Queen. As we sat enjoying our treat, April stopped eating and looked close at Bob's shirt, then said, "excuse me, is that corduroy?" Bob looked a bit puzzled, and then said, "is something wrong with that?" We all looked at each other. Then Jonathan said, "not if you're Paddington Bear." We laughed at Jonathan's joke. It was funny. To finish my story, for Christmas Jon & April gave Bob a brand new corduroy shirt, with a stipulation that he was not to wear it between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
Our very bright California niece is an elementary school teacher. It has been fun to watch her grow into her profession and become the confident, fine tuned, professional she is. But years ago when she was practicing on some preschoolers, she had a slip up. She was teaching colors and flavors to the youngsters with the help of some lifesavers. The kids were tasting and guessing colors and flavors. All went well for cherry and grape and orange -- the pretty basic stuff. Then she gave each child a tan honey flavored one. The group struggled with this one, so our teacher tried a hint. She said, "sometimes a mommy might call a daddy this name."
Well, one little girl spit out the candy, and yelled, "Oh my gosh, it's a**hole."
This story I did not witness, but it is funny. When the CA and NV relatives were traveling to NE a couple years ago, I asked them to just pick up a couple of nice rocks for my garden as they drove over a couple mountains. I had to convince my sister this was perfectly all right, and it would not upset the balance of nature to put a few Wyoming rocks in a garden in Nebraska. Well, they did stop and gather a few rocks for me. And by the sounds of it had fun doing it. The two kids on the trip were very willing to help, and they all got rocks for Aunt Shirley. Then someone decided that Uncle Bob should have some rocks, too. So the whole group gathered more rocks with little Shea leading the way, saying "yes, we need some rocks for Uncle Bob, too." And they all found perfect rocks for Uncle Bob. The mission complete, they headed on down the road. Then Shea asks, "Who is Uncle Bob?"
When the new W*Mart opened, I went with Bob to see the mega structure, and buy cheap stuff. The parking lot is screwy. We were creeping along looking for a place to park, and I was helping Bob drive. Well, he kind of bumped the back of a car. Didn't seem like it was going to be any big deal. But this guy got out of the car, and came walking back to our van. I saw him and said, "Oh gosh, Bob, that guy is a dwarf." Well, Bob put his window down and the little person came up to the car and stated, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" Bob looked down and said, "Well, which one are you then?"
We are a family of wildlife watchers. Grandson Alex seemed to learn this at a very young age as he has spent a lot of time with Grandpa spotting animals and birds while driving through parks or hiking. One day Alex and I were walking around the back yard looking at plants and smelling flowers. Alex was about 2years old at the time, and he seemed so pleased to point some things out for me to look at. I was a little taken back when he very clearly said, "look Grandma, a wolf." I looked where he was pointing and there was the neighbor's dog. That dog does have wolf like coloring and body, but he is a little short to be taken seriously. Later we were standing near the back door on the patio, Alex and I facing each other, and Adam came out the door, and I said something to him. Then I heard Alex say "look Grandma, a snake." I looked down and there was a snake slithering between Alex and me. "Arghhhhhh! A snake!" I said a little too loud and scary. Upon hearing me, Alex freaked and started screaming, too. Who knows what happened to the snake, I just picked up Alex and headed into the house. After calming him down, I tried to explain that the snake was harmless, and we didn't need to be scared. Yeah right, Grandma.
I have a cat story, too. We had a little black and white kitten that had a name, but we just called Babycat. Cassie brought it outside on the patio and set it on the picnic table where Adam & I were sitting. We don't have outside cats, so this was not something we did with a cat. But we were just watching the kitten and talking, and a squirrel came hopping towards us. Babycat caught sight of the squirrel and it was like a cartoon. She arched her back, hissed, screamed,turned around, and took one leap down to the bench, next a leap to the ground, the next leap was up onto the back of the dog, Maggie, and then sprung up to the screen door and hung there. The dog looked around having no clue what just happened. Lucky for Babycat, she still had her claws and she hung there until Cass pried her loose.
SEVEN: Bonus story.
One day there was a man who did not belch loud, fart, take control of the remote, or make sex his only priority.
But it was only for one day.